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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. 

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood 

( the woodcutter and the axe ) 

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. 

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " 

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. 
Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!" 

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!! 

******** 

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Friday, April 10, 2009

This mail i found to be inspiring...!!!

Assalamualaikum-Wa-Rahmatullahi-Wa-Barakatahu,
 
 
Dear All,
 
Read Once................


Allah always has three replies to our Dua,
1)'Yes'
2)'Yes, but not now'
3)'I have a better plan for you'
There's never a 'NO'....just have faith and keep praying. 
 
This is an awesome prayer . 
Believe it and you shall be blessed. 
The problem with many of us is that we don't believe that Allah will open a window and pour in blessings that we won't have room to receive them. I dare anyone to try Allah. He is true to His word. Allah cannot lie and His promises are sure. 

My prayer for you today: 

The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hands that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying 'Ameen' to this prayer shall remain happy forever. Remain in Allah's love as you send this prayer to everybody on your list. Have a lovely journey of life! Trust in Allah with all your heart and He will never fail you because He is Rahim and Raheman ! 

 
 
If you truly need a blessing, continue reading this email: 
 
Ya Allah, most Gracious and Loving, I pray to You that You abundantly bless my family and me(Ameen). I know that You recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in You. Oh Allah, I send up a prayer request for Your blessings not only on the person who sent this message to me, but for all those whom I have forwarded this message on to and myself (Ameen).. I am also aware that the power of joint prayers by those who believe and trust in You is more powerful than anything. I thank You always for Your blessings (Ameen).. 
Almighty Allah, relieve the person reading this right now from debt and debt's burdens. Release Your Godly wisdom that we may be good stewards over all that You have given us Ya Allah, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are. Ya Rabbul Alameen I am also fully conscious of the fact that if we just obey You and walk on Your way that You have shown us, You will pour Your more blessings on us (Ameen).. I thank You now Ya Allah for the recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come because I know You are not done with me yet. In Your name I pray. (Ameen). 
Innaka Alaa Kulle Shai-in Kadeer Ameen .
 
  
Take few Seconds and convey this to those on your list. Insha-Allah within hours, you will have caused a multitude of people to pray to Allah for each other. 
Then sit back and watch the power of Allah work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves. 
Remain Blessed!!! 
Ameen
 

Monday, April 6, 2009

So Innocent!…child


A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his Mother in the doctor’s office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “I’m having a baby.

With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”

She answered, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”

She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked,”Then why did you eat him?”

Wife Vs Husband

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither
of them wanted to
concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs the
husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

* WORDS**

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day…30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men…

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
“What?”

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

“The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

* WHO DOES WHAT*

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.

“The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.

“Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee.

Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says…”HEBREWS”

* THE SILENT TREATMENT*

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he has about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always
a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Your Zodiac And The Way You Kiss

Aries: Your kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone.

Taurus: Your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on.

Gemini: Your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny observations.

Cancer: Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go.

Leo: Your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance.

Virgo: Your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you’ve finished.

Libra: You’re too busy worrying about your breath to really get into your kisses.

Scorpio: You skip the kiss and get straight to whatever comes next for you.

Sagittarius: Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more.

Capricorn: Your kisses are intense moments of sublime relief from the stress of your day.

Aquarius: Your kisses are wet and messy, and you tend to keep your eyes open.

Pisces: Your kisses are starry-eyed, amorous and long-lasting.

Indian Mom ! Really a good one

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while

watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom¢s

thoughts, Kumar volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver chutney jar.

You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’ Kumar said: “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.’

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the chutney jar from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the chutney jar. But the fact remains

that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read,

Dear Son:

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was

sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow…

Love,

Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don’t Lie to Your Mother… especially if she is Indian

This happened Somewhere in Banglore

This happened Somewhere in Banglore [INDIA]

This happens in Somewhere in Banglore[INDIA]

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles…

Senior Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet…

Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha…. Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai… [ When i came to banglore, i had nothing, but today ... ]

naam hai………., [ I have Name ... ]

shohrat hai………, [ I have fame .. ]

paisa hai………… [ I have money .. ]

Izzat Hai………….,

tumhare paas kya hai? [ What do you have ? ]

Scroll down to find out his answer

Don’t think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki “Mere paas Maa hain”

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

Canteen boy - Sa’ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai…. [ Sir, i have a lot of work (implies ... i got to get back to work .. unlike you who are wasting time here.) ]

Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently…….

Society's Ills

Society's Ills
Once there were two students walking along a river. One of them just so happened to glance over at something floating in the river. It did not take long for him to realize that it was a baby! Without hesitation he jumped into the river to save the infant from drowning. When he jumped in he realized that there were at least ten more in his immediate area, all of them screaming and crying as they bobbed by.

Quite naturally he started screaming to the other student. "Help! C'mon man! Get in here! Look at all of these babies! We gotta help 'em!" The other student, however, kept walking upstream, despite noticing a river full of babies, with more and more floating downstream.

For every one that the first student saved, eight passed him. There were just too many."C'mon man! Don't you have a heart?! I can't grab all of these babies alone!"

The second student replied, "I'm going upstream to find out who's throwing all of these babies in the river."

The point of this short story is to demonstrate the importance of going to the source of the problem to have a greater impact. Many people address each of society's social ailments as separate entities. Thus we find numerous organizations that target a specific poison; The solution to racism, spouse abuse, child abuse, crime, pollution, alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and other social ills is one.
Each problem does not require its own organizations and groups to eliminate it. The solutions for all of these is one. That one, is Islam.

How to Exterminate Muslims in India?


Dalit Voice, Editorial, May 16-31. 1999
Muslims ruled over Spain from 712 AD to 1492 AD for 780 years, yet today there are no Muslims in Spain though every aspect of Spanish life has a touch of Islam. Spanish language has many Arabic words, its music has an Arabic tone, its culture has more Arabic influence than the European, and proper nouns in Spanish often have the Arabic prefix al. From 1492, when the last bastion of Muslim political strength Grenada fell, the Muslims of Spain were on the decline and its culmination took place after 120 years when the last batch of Muslim die-hards left Spain in 1612. From that year, Islam vanished from the Spanish horizons.

A particular noteworthy point is that during this period of Islamic decline from Spain, the entire civilised world was ruled by Muslims. The Ottoman Turks had conquered Constantinople in 1553, and were ruling the entire Balkan Peninsula, Egypt was ruled by the powerful Mamiukes, Persia was at its political pinnacle under the Abbasi rulers, and India was ruled by the Moghals. Still Islam vanished from Spain and none of these great Muslim armies did anything to protect the Muslims of Spain. How Islam was ejected from Spain had been a subject of keen study by lndia's Hindu Nazis in the 30s and 40s of this century. They studied this aspect to be copied in India and to counter this possibility, the Muslim leaders also studied this to prevent a repetition of the Spanish methods because Muslims (forming 11.35% of the population as per 1981 census) as lndia's single largest minorities have become the biggest headache to the upper caste Hindus. But the present-day Muslims are totally ignorant of the history of Islamic decline in Spain and hence of the designs surrounding it.

Through this we intend to shed a little light on this subject so that the thinking section of the Muslims and their sympathisers may do some more research on this subject. As in India, Spanish Muslims had three categories: (i) the descendants of the original Arabs, (ii) descendants of Arab fathers and Spanish mothers and (iii) Christian converts to Islam. Immediately after the fall of Grenada many of the original Arabs to save their lives (not property, as they were not permitted to carry their wealth) left Spain to Tunisia and Morocco; many died on their journey by the attacking Christian hordes. Rest of the original Arabs who opted to live in Spain itself were subsequently branded 'foreigners" (as in India) and destroyers of Spain. The other category of Muslims viz. the descendants of Muslim fathers and Christianmothers and converts from Christianity opted to live in Spain believing in the declaration of King Ferdinand that complete religious freedom would be guaranteed. (in India also, we are told that Muslims enjoy full religious freedom and minority rights). The attacks by Christian on their lives and property during the earlier years was pardoned as a temporary phenomenon.

Compare it with the development that took place in India after the partition (1947). But these attacks on Muslim life and property in Spain did not abate but continued for about 50 years with lesser intensity in a sporadic manner, just as it is happening in India today. In the earlier years, the Indian Muslims resisted and fought back. There were mini-battles in the streets, but gradually there were one-sided attacks and every time Muslims were the losers. Of late, the Hindu police itself is let lose to kill the Muslims in India.

While the organized Christian groups were committing such massacres, Ferdinand's Govt, in Spain adopted the policy of eliminating Muslims from the services and adopting the following measures:-

Arabic was removed from administration,
schools attached to mosques were debarred from teaching academic and secular subjects like science, history, mathematics and philosophy. Only religious teaching could be imparted,
Lessons in history were faked by which the Muslim rule was dubbed as barbaric. Contribution of Muslims to the development of Spain was avoided,
Muslim houses were made objects of constant searching by police on allegations of arms hoarding and secret meetings,
Original Arab Muslims were projected as enemies of Christians and destroyers of Spain.
Christian converts were persuaded to reconvert to Christianity on the ground that their ancestors were forced to become Muslims and as there is no more coercion, they should revert to Christianity.
Muslims who were from Muslim-Christian parentage were branded as bastards and ridiculed and persuaded to revert to Christianity.
Marriages performed in the Islamic manner were directed to be registered with the judicial officers.
Islamic law was declared illegal. Every method followed in Spain is being experimented in India with better precision and timing.
Thus Muslims in Spain were made objects of ridicule, condemnation and continuous attack. Burning of Muslim houses and shops was encouraged to destroy their economy. Mock ceremonies of reconversion of Muslims to Christianity were held and publicized. In India, Hindu Nazis of all hues-Arya Samaj, Ramakrishna Mission, Vishwa Hindu Parishad etc,. are doing the same. The first two generation of Spanish Muslims adopted passive methods to save their religion by teaching Arabic to their children at home and mosques, and telling them orally about the realities but gradually they lost the zeal. When marriages were ordered to be celebrated only through Govt. agencies, Muslims in early stages performed dual marriages - one with the Govt. authorities and again privately in their homes in the Islamic manner. Gradually the second ceremony was given up as even such a private ceremony was banned.

During this period, Muslim masses gradually fell out of the grips of the Muslim leadership and Muslim elites started flocking to Turkey, Tunisia, Morocco and Egypt where they were received with sympathy. Poor Muslim masses were left uncared for. This is exactly what is happening in India. The richer, English-educated Muslims are getting Brahminised. They have become imitators of upper caste Hindus as they live not in Muslim localities but in Hindu areas. The poor Muslims (they form 95% of the Muslim population) live in ghettos and being better followers of Islam, they are left high and dry. Hence they are getting killed in all anti-Muslim riots.

The seeds sown in the first half of the century in Spain started yielding results in the second half. There was no political leadership, no organization to protect Muslims and enlightened personalities to save the situation. Religious leaders knowing nothing but Islamic' theology tried their best to save the situation, but against heavy propaganda by the Govt. agencies, lures and offers to reconverts, ignorance of Islamic values by the masses and sense of inferiority nurtured in the minds of Muslim masses were too big a force to be undone by the theologians. This needed a political leadership and an organization with arms to counter, but there was none. Those who spoke of invoking the help of Muslim powers of Turkey and Egypt were feared and exposed before the authorities (by the Muslims themselves) to be condemned. Without willing fighters, other Muslim powers could not help. Those who had settled in Turkey and Egypt advised the authorities there to desist'from such a thought as otherwise atrocities on Muslims of Spain would increase. An Ahmed Shah Abdaii was needed but th@'@ was none. And the Muslim masses joined the "mainstream" of Spanish life and the mullahs finding no job for their preaching gradually left Spain. And the last batch to leave Spain consisted of the diehard mullahs in 1612

In India also the political leadership of the Muslims became a tail of the Hindu parties led by the upper castes. Only the theological leadership like that of Moulana Hasan Ali Nadvi has tried to maintain the cultural identity of the Indian Muslims.

This "Spanish experiment" is being tried with greater energy and efficiency in India. Urdu, which is as Islamic in India as Arabic was in Spain, is being eased out. Muslims are voluntarily holding on to madrasas. English-educated richer Muslims are away from the Muslim masses. We saw this at the Tablighe Jamat International conference held in Bangalore (DV, March 15, 1985). They are not going to Muslim countries, but are taking refuge in their psychological and physical seclusion. Any move to organise them to protect the Muslim life and property is branded as communal. Any Muslim flirting, if not supporting the upper castes, is called a "nationalist Muslim". The gulf between the Muslim masses and educated rich Muslims is widening every day. Mass killing of Muslims is considered something natural by the Muslim leadership itself. Whenever it is raised at international Islamic platforms such actions are called interference in the internal affairs of India. Muslims history is deleted from the syllabus. Names of Muslims who died for India are avoided. A great martyr who died for India like Tippu Sultan is unknown to youngsters, whereas the name of Tantia Tope, who fought not for India but for his pension, and Jhansi Laxmi Bai, who fought for her adopted son's heirship to the throne, is brought on the lips of every Indian. No Muslim gets awards for his contribution to science, medicine, music, art or gallantry. Even those who fought from the ranks of the ruling Congress Party like Moulana Azad, Kidwai, Syed Mahmood, Humayun Kabir etc. do not have a road or extension named after them. But there are half-a-dozen in the names of each upper caste leaders in our towns and cities. History is being re-written. ("Falsifying Indian History", DV editorial, April 16, 1985). Muslims are killed daily and their houses and shops burnt. The doors of the Army, police and administration are closed to them. And yet Muslim organizations to protect Islam are coming up like mushrooms. Everybody wants to protect Islam and nobody wants to protect Muslims. We are really worried.

A study of the Ruling Class policies reveals that it has great similarity with the one followed by Ferdinand and Isabelle in Spain. The only difference is that the Hindu upper castes are more sharp and sophisticated because of the limitations imposed in the 20th century by the checks exercisable by the United Nations Human Rights Charter and international public opinion.

The systematic and daily anti-Muslim riots resulting in loss of life and property, and above all the sense of fear in the hearts of every Muslim, elimination of the martial Muslims from the Defence, paramilitary and police forces and brahminising of these forces, closing the doors of appointments in Govt. services and public undertakings, Brahminisation of education and mass.media like radio, TV and advertisement, elimination of Urdu as official language from those areas which form the presentday States of Punjab, Haryana, UP, Bihar, parts of Madhya Pradesh, Maharastra, Andhra Pradhesh and Karnataka overnight in 1947-48, gradual closing of Urdu schools are all examples of positive anti-Muslim policies.

On the brahminical psychological warfare side comes the cries of Personal Law amendment, now diluted as common civil code, greatness of the Indian (Hindu) culture, projection of notorious anti-Muslim personalities like "Mahatma" Gandhi, B. G. Tilak, Madan Mohan Malaviya, Veer Savarkar, Lala Laipat Rai as heroes of India to belittle the contribution of Muslims for the development and progress of the country, re-writing of Indian history, describing Muslim professions like beef-selling as a sin and glorifying cow protection policies, introduction of mechanical slaughter of animals to throw out of job butchers, declaration of import and export business carried on by Muslims as smuggling are policies through which vulnerable Indian masses are misguided, resulting in a psychological anti-Muslim bias. Muslim electoral constituencies are divided horizontally and vertically so that they don't have an effective voting power anywhere and thrusting upon them ultra-secular Muslim leaders who have started worshipping Hindu idols and such scenes being systematically televised. Unfortunately Muslim leaders, who are dejected with the Govt., repose much confidence in Hindu masses and hope to secure their help ignoring the fact that the poor Hindu (Dalit) masses are as much victims of such a propaganda. And as on this day only seeds are being sown. The harvest is yet to come. When the harvest reason comes, what will be harvested in India is repetition of Spain, unless the Muslims resort to counter measures soon.

It is high time the Muslim/ intelligentsia rises to the occasion to undo the repetition of the history of Spain in India. Islam has always been protected by the Muslim masses and not by the classes. Rich Muslims, who are not even 5% of the Muslim population (with minor exceptions) are joining the upper caste exploiters. They may talk of Islam but they have forgotten the fellow Muslims. Please note: religion does not protect its followers, but followers protect the religion. Remember if Islam has to be saved in India, Muslims have to be saved.

Courtesy: Dalit Voice

Serious Thinking ..!

In 1980, IDBI bank rejected loan for Ambani.




In 2008, Mukesh Ambani was planning to buy IDBI bank.




this shows nothing is impossible...




now in 2009, HDFC bank rejected loan for me...



but in 2020, I'm planning to....

;
;
;

;
;
;
;
;
;




Apply for loan again!

:))
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