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Monday, October 27, 2008

Laugh a Little...!!!

One morning at a doctor surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies

"You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replied,

"You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Customer Support Employee (CSE) and the Customer...

Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support Employee (CSE).


Customer Support Employee (CSE): May I help you?
Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
CSE: What sort of trouble?
Customer: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
CSE: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Customer: Nothing.
CSE: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer: How do I tell?
CSE: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Customer: What's a sea-prompt?
CSE: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Customer: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
CSE: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer: What's a monitor?
CSE: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Customer: I don't know.
CSE: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Customer: Yes, I think so.
CSE: Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Customer: I can't. It's dark out here.
CSE: Dark?
Customer: There's a power outage.
CSE: A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in with?
Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
CSE: Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Customer: Really? Is it that bad?
CSE: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
CSE: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.

Cook an Egg with their Mobile Phones...!

How Two Russian Journalists Cooked an Egg with their Mobile Phones.

Vladimir Lagovski and Andrei Moiseynko from Komsomolskaya Pravda Newspaper in Moscow decided to learn first-hand how harmful cell phones are. There is no magic in cooking with your cell phone.The secret is in the radio waves that the cell phone radiates.

The journalists created a simple microwave structure as shown in the picture.
They called from one cell phone to the other and left both phones on talking mode. They placed a tape recorder next to phones to imitate sounds of speaking so the phones would stay on.


After, 15 minutes: The egg became slightly warm.

25 minutes: The egg became very warm.

40 minutes: The egg became very hot.

65 minutes: The egg was cooked. (As you can see.)


Conclusion ..1: Cooking eggs with mobile phones is possible but very expensive ($4.55 or Rs.225 approximately)

Conclusion ..2:
All this talk of danger is exaggerated; even if your brain gets cooked, it would take a couple hours of talking on a cell phone.

Conclusion ..3:
We don't recommend carrying cell phone in your pants.

Drink whiskey and you won't get worms...!!

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about The evils of liquor ,

So he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water,

A glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,

"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Whats Women...???


These are not my views but views of people of the world... very funny... i like it ..!!!


Pics Need Attention...!!!!





Sunday, October 26, 2008

Managers Speak.... ( Best Quotes...!!!)

Managers Speak

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:


"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)



"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)


Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above."
(Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

Ways To Confuse Your Roommate...!!!

Some Ways To Confuse Your Roommate...!!!

  • Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

  • Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

  • Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

  • Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again.

  • Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.

  • Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.

  • Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.

  • Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.

  • Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

  • Drink a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

  • Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.

Laughter Cures....!!! Happy Times

Chess Player...!

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

The Bravest of All...!!

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to play with my cat."

My Phone Doesn't have the Number 11 ....

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"

The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."

Secret Of Success..!!!!

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.

"Two words"

"And, Sir,what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And,sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

A Blonde is a Blonde...!!!

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Hm, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Like Father Like Son

Like Son Like Father
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited and minute and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, why even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied...."Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!"

Emptying the Doctor's Waiting Room

A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"

Sure, doctor, what can I do for you, says the patient.

"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage? Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says.

"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" Asks the patient.

"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have got two tickets for evening show I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients."

Recipe : Irritation Blogging

Recipe Name : Irritation Blog

hi ... i after a very long time back on the track of blogging..recently i found how interesting is blogging.Though i was actually blogging all these days but very recently i tasted what its like ...!!! Every day or the other i get mails and even SMS with links to my friends blogs. i get irritated all the time .
To cook Irritation blog you will need the irritation and pain of getting SMS and e-mail with links to Blogs.

Ingredients :
1. Irritation. 1 kilogram(boiled)
2. Pain. 750 grams (sliced)
3. English vocabulary. Few medium sized
4. Typing Skills 50 gms
5. Colorings for taste
Method:

Once i asked one of my friend what the hell is tat...!!!! They replied with a smile .... and he started " ..it will increase visitors to my page which eventually increase my blog's page rank which is directly proportional to bucks in my pockets...." does it really increase ur weight of ur purse. one of mine showed a mobile bought from the blogging... and another showed me his account.... but the pain to earn such a lot doesn't go anywhere. you need to spend a lot of time for making those bucks.
Last but not least make sure the typing doesn't miss the grammatical mistakes because it makes recipe very delicious.

The recipe can served for 10-15 person. Now serve the recipe and enjoy.....
Yum Yum Yum..!!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mr.BoomBastic Mr. Fantastic Lyrics

These are the lines of my favorite Song...
Mr.BOOMBASTIC



Mr. Boombastic
What you want is some boombastic romantic fantastic lover
Shaggy
Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover, girl, Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover
She call me Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me in me back
she say I'm Mr. Ro...mantic
She call me Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me in me back she say
I'm ro... Smooth just like silk
Soft and coddle hug me up like a quit
I'm a lyrical lover no take me for no filth
With my sexual physique Jah know me well built

Oh me oh my well well can't you tell
I'm just like a turtle crawling out of my shell
Gal you captivate my body put me under a spell
With your cus cus perfume I love your sweet smell
You are the only young girl that can ring my bell
And I can take rejection so you tell me go to hell

I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom

Gee wheeze baby please
Let me take you to an island of the sweet cool breeze
You don't fell like drive baby hand me the keys
And I'll take you to a place to set your mind at ease
Don't you tickle my foot bottom ha ha baby please
Don't you play with my nose I might ha chum sneeze
Well you a the bun and me a the cheese
And if me a the rice well you a the peas

I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom

Give me your loving gal your loving well good
I want your loving gal give it like you should
Give me your loving gal your loving well good
I want your loving gal you remember the woo
Would like to kiss and carress
Rub down every strand of hair on my chest
I'm Boombastic rated as the best
The best you should get nothing more nothing less
Give me your digits jot down your address
I'll bet you confess when you put me to the test
That I'm

I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom


Gal your admiration if a tick me from the start
With your physical attraction gal you know to feel the spark
A man of few word naw go tell you no sweet talk
Naw go laba laba and a chat pure phart
I'll get straight to the point like a arrow or a dart
Come lay down in my jacuzzi and get some bubble bath
Only sound you will here is the beating of my heart
And we will mmm mmm (kiss) and have some sweet pillow talk
I'm

I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says I'm Mr
Ro...mantic
I'm Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic touch me in my back she says boom
boom
boom
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